Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love
April 4, 2010 by
Filed under Lesbian Literature
Product Description
Fed up with the fact that men have a shorter shelf life than sushi? Finding, let alone building, a strong relationship can still be challenging for gay men. The reason? Masculinity. All men, gay or straight, have been socialized to believe that to be overtly gay is unmanly and shameful. To compensate, many gay men adopt a macho, “straight acting” pose that blocks them from being their full selves, expressing their true feelings and forging real, lasting… More >>
The photo of the author is so gorgeous, I haven’t been able to move past the cover often enough to actually read much of the book. And, when I do move beyond the cover, I find any encouragement to feel better about myself as a gay man is useless because I am still visualizing the cover in my mind’s eye, compare myself and feel like crap. The book’s goal would be more easily realized if the author had been ugly. Damn those Italians (but thank the Goddess for them at the same time.)
Rating: 4 / 5
STRAIGHT ACTING by Angelo Pezzote is a decent book that’s trying to teach gay men about self-acceptance and finding inner peace and love.
Many gay men tend to struggle with their identity about not being “masculine” enough and so they over compensate by mimicking stereotypical male behavior like becoming emotionally unavailable and building up a wall around themselves never letting anyone get close to them. This affects not only their inability to maintain loving relationships with other gay men, but also close friendships. Pezzote’s book addresses these issues with the “what” and “why” this happens, along with solutions.
He uses quotes from other doctors and psychiatrists as well as studies conducted by different organizations and his own experience both as a therapist and columnist, and his own life. The author also uses questions and answers from his advice column (Ask Angelo) to exemplify each chapter and the issue it’s dealing with.
Although he can be long winded on some chapters (no offense), Pezzote’s advice really hits home on the “straight acting” issue that most gay men would rather not acknowledge. The Q&A sections break up the constant hammering of each chapter’s idea nicely, so even if the author starts rambling it doesn’t get boring or tedious.
I really like the bonus chapter 8 which provides dating advice and more including how to spot red flags, safe-sex tips, and how to keep the relationship fires burning; all written in “top 10 tips” format. It’s like having an older brother telling you all the things you need to know before you strike out on your own.
This book is great for gay men of all ages, but I think it would be particularly helpful to young men who probably have many questions about themselves and about other gay men. STRAIGHT ACTING will definitely help them start on the right foot with learning to love themselves first before looking for someone to fill that need.
Rating: 4 / 5
Angelo Pezzote targets masculinity–or, more precisely, gay men’s alleged preoccupation with living up to society’s standards of masculinity–as the crippling force behind many gay men’s inability to cultivate healthy romantic relationships. And he has a point, to some extent. Pezzote does a very good job of describing, in fairly clear terms, why the unreasonable standards of masculinity handcuff us into believing that we are not “real men” and prevent us from becoming or finding the “right man.” Whether intentional or not, he distills many of the principles of queer theory into his analysis, and he advocates the full expression of all facets of our character in the performance of our identities as gay men. Pezzote has a firm grasp of the issues that confront gay men, and he offers many practical suggestions for overcoming the roadblocks that we face as we seek happiness. This is a great little self-help book, suitable for just about any gay man, from those who are recently out to those who have been out for a while and still can’t seem to figure out the puzzle of gay dating (I fit into the latter group). I found myself nodding and exclaiming “YES!” as I read numerous passages, and it felt good to know that I am not the only one who experiences frustration and sadness surrounding the issue of dating and companionship.
But I also found myself seeking answers–and hoping for discussions–that Pezzote neglected to address. For example, he does a very good job of deconstructing masculinity and showing its devastating effects on gay men’s self-image. And he also alludes to the idea that masculinity and being gay need not be mutually exclusive categories. But I kept hoping that he would say more about how we can construct and perform gay masculinity, especially since, as he acknowledges, masculinity is what attracts most gay men to other men. I intend to adopt some of his ideas and strategies, and I do hope they work, because they seem to make a great deal of sense. Whatever the outcome, taking steps to feel better about myself certainly couldn’t hurt.
Rating: 4 / 5
I don’t think I’m even going to be finishing this one. In the first half of the book, I am beaten over the head with the idea that if I don’t “Act Gay” I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
Why the hell do we feel the need to take ourselves out of one box only to put ourselves into another? Especially when, as suggested in this book, an almost entirely gay population is the worst place for a gay man to live?
I feel this book takes a simplistic view of the issues at hand. Yes, the core concept is that people won’t assume you’re gay unless you demonstrate to them that you are. [Beginsarcasm]Maybe the problem here is that I’m not lisping and cutting hair. Maybe if I just did that, I could find true love *dramatic sigh*…[/endsarcasm] Maybe the core problem is one of basic human communication: the fear of approaching a man who appears “Straight Acting” simply because he acts a certain way *despite the fact that you’re in a gay gym*. One ‘letter’ in the book cites exactly this case, that the guy is intimidated by a well muscled man (again inside a gay gym). Here’s a piece of amazing knowledge: Talk to him. Worst case, you’re not what he’s after.
I date men because I enjoy the company of men. Physically, emotionally, intellectually, I like being with a guy. Conversely to the theme of this book, I am more alone because for some reason men attracted to other men are expected to act like women, at which point the attraction falls flat for me.
What exactly is the point in trading one set of social expectations for another? In neither case are we being who we are. We’re moving from one mask to another simply because its more comfortable. This book has a few pieces of good advice, like West Hollywood being a terrible place for a gay man to live, which makes perfect sense to me, but probably for different reasons than the author intended.
You won’t find much in here that you don’t already know at a basic level. Well written, but the content is “meh”.
Rating: 2 / 5
THIS BOOK IS ABOUT KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERIENCES AND FACTS I STRONGLY RECOMMENDED ! YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE SOME THINGS NOT ALL! BUT MOST OF ALL ACCEPT YOURSELF IF YOU CAN NOT CHANGE SOME THINGS THAT IS NATURAL FROM BIRTH!
“YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL” BY CRISTINA AGUILERA
Rating: 5 / 5